Meeting with Alain Robert (the « french spiderman », building climber), I found in his personal journey some interesting comments, and especially this lack of confidence that can be found, as you are young. These blockages, these doubts, but also a certain vision and energy of what are your dream who can lead you forward. We often find these characteristics in youth, where everything is not so rosy and easy…. we have dreams, but there are many doubts … about yourself … everyone does not possess innate “Mental Force” (Mental Strength), that is gradually built progressively…
This meeting with Alain Robert echoed with the concept of “Mental Force” I develop in conference and in coaching.
He speaks of inner trust, specifically lack of confidence that I translate with the model of “Mental Force”, by a lack of self-esteem.
Before one feels able, it is necessary to feel valuable.
This concept of self-esteem is in fact the initiator of the foundation trust. No real lasting trust and without a clear and good self esteem.
This Mental Strength concept is attached to personal notions: self-esteem, confidence, affirmation, recognition, and before anything his founding Self -Esteem.
All these steps that constitute an ongoing process that is constantly evolving with time and experience, and has no other purpose than the limits of its potential.
It is useful to distinguish the Esteem from Confidence:
➽ The Self – Esteem is the unconditional value that I give myself
How I see myself VALUABLE
It is the intimacy of the image that we have of ourselves as we are and in all circumstances…
It is the assessment of its own worth and worthlessness
The self-esteem send back us our opinion of ourselves.
I am worth what I’m worth. I do not doubt unconditionally, as being, or through my actions (even if I fail), or through my relationships with others
The Esteem is an overall value judgment that we carry on our person:
The morning before doing anything and before having any contact with anyone, I look in the mirror, is what I say yes to the question is that I consider myself as a worthwhile person and worthwhile?
Low self-esteem may lead to behaviors such as:
- Systematic self-criticism, creating a habitual state of dissatisfaction with oneself.
- Hypersensitivity to criticism, (you feel easily attacked and was standing resentments against criticism)
- Chronic indecision, following an exaggerated fear of making a mistake.
- « Perfectionism » when trying to do something « perfectly » or error free, the risk of causing a persistent frustration.
When I feel good about myself, I gave myself permission to be:
- Knowing myself: I have a good knowledge of myself – my strengths and my weaknesses, my limitations
- Accept myself: how I take my weaknesses (or what I perceive to be my weaknesses)
- Be honest with myself: accept emotions even if they seem negative.
When I feel good about myself, I am given permission to do so:
- Acting: I actually change my behavior and gradually to achieve what I want to implement (I am) –
- Silencing the inner critic: I am aware of the small inner voice, parasite and critical thinking that I’m talking to myself. (Risk of sabotage)
- Accept failure: I agree to take the risk of failure; I draw lessons from my failures. (Drop chorus I cannot…)
I even allow me to give a « credit trust », and:
- Be optimistic: I firmly believe that I can succeed, and that I have in me the ability to find solutions to succeed.
- Accept uncertainty and the unknown: I realize that I have in my capacity to adapt to the new situation arises and I do not know
- Accept adversity: I agree to have a successful resistance before and continue to believe that I can succeed
Good news for those who have weak: The Self-esteem is not stable and fixed for life. (Not definitively acquired). Alain Robert is an example.
So when Esteem, this fundamental stage of the person is cleared … we can build confidence, a true and durable confidence…
➽ Confidence is the conditional value I give myself
How I see myself CAPABLE
This is a « feeling » of being safe. Since I predict that I have and what it takes to deal with a situation, I feel safe.
But the Trust is not blind … Confidence is the experience of my ability.
It’s like a quiet strength that precedes you in your actions.
You know it is when there may be concern for the future, but you think to yourself, « Every problem has a solution » or « I’ll cope with it”
There are two 2 « trusts » – external and internal –
On the one hand, the results of the external attributes « success » and on the other hand, my vision and alignment with the path to « success » – My perception positive (true, good and useful) of my actions.
The first is external recognition – this is the outcome of life…
My status, my job, my salary, my budget, my friends, my environment, my popularity, my car, my apartment, the pictures in the media … Finally, all the external attributes of « success »
The second is the internal recognition – what I am doing…
What I’m feeling or doing is True, Good and useful for me and for others.
What I do is what I believe and what I want.
I am aligned (and my actions are), with what I want to be in life…
When I’m confident, I allow myself to:
- Be aligned: stay the course of my goals even without immediate success; I continue to follow the road that I traced.
- Be faithful: I am faithful to what is good and useful for me and others around me
- Be true: keep the truth and refuse to make excuses « cans » and regularly clean their desires sabotage and transform reality.
For your information, I will develop this concept in Mental Force this year in my blog.